Happy 10th months baby girl!!!!

Jenna will be home just in time to celebrate the monumental 1 year birthday and I just can't wait to have her home. Mommy and Daddy hope you're safe, happy and above all, loved, today and everyday until we can do all those things for you ourselves! Hang on tight, we'll be there soon!

Let the frustration begin!

It seems that nothing throughout this journey has been easy. I thought that after we received referral, things would just magically work itself out.....not the case. Between communication with our agency, paperwork problems, and now, to add to the excitement, travel arrangements, the last part of this process has turned into a 3-ring circus! I'm too exhausted to even get into the details right now, but let's just say, I can't get to China and back fast enough!!!!

As it stands, we are still going to be leaving around June 30th (could be the as early as the 28th or 29th, depending on availability) and coming back on July 14th. I have not gotten word on our Travel Approvals yet. This is what the CCAA sends to our agency to let us know that we are approved to travel to their country to pick up our child. I know that they have already been issued for other families who are working with other agencies but our agency has not communicated this information with us....yet. As well, I haven't heard anything about our Consulate appointments either. This is normally what we need to book our trip around. I'm going to assume this date has already been secured as we already have our travel dates sets, again however, we were not communicated this information. (See my frustration!!!!????) I realize that there are many different agencies who all do things differently but I don't get how I feel so left out of the loop?? It probably doesn't help that I read all sorts of blogs day in and day out and get a glimpse of how other agencies (in Canada, and the U.S.) handle referral and travel, but once referral happens, how different can the process be??? I just don't get it.

With something as important as this, it is very hard to just "ASSUME" that things are being done on your behalf, especially when it seems like I'm the one who's having to ask for things over and over and over again.

Okay, I'm done. Now, I just have to look forward and hope that things start to get easier from here on end. I should have a travel itinerary in the next couple of days....

Sad, sad day...

Over the last month or two, our Shelby had started limping. We thought that maybe he had just sprained his ankle or hurt his foot. I've made appointments for him a couple of times to see the vet only to have the limping go away for a few days so I just cancelled the appointments. Well, it started again a few weeks ago so I finally took him in this morning and the vet took some x-rays. We also thought maybe he had arthritis and we could just put him on some medication to ease his pain a little, after all, he is 11 years old. Well, I was definitely not prepared for what the doctor had to say. Our beloved dog has been diagnosed with OSTEOSARCOMA and the vet speculates that given the size of the tumor in his upper left shoulder, that it will soon spread to the lungs. He's giving Shelby about 4-5 months. My heart stopped and I couldn't hold back the tears. The only thing we can do for our boy is give him pain medication so that he's comfortable. I'm so sad, I don't even know what else to say....except Momma loves you Shelby!

This, that, and some deep thoughts....

So after the big fiasco with my agency (don't ask, I'm still a little bitter) is finally over, our documents (visa applications, travel documents, copies of acceptance letter, passports, etc) were finally mailed today and should arrive at Children's Bridge tomorrow. Now that that's over with, it's time to start looking over the list of the million and ten things left to do. I guess that's why there's such a wait to travel....so that you can get everything in order before going to China. I've traveled a lot over the past few years so one would think that I would be an old pro at packing and getting ready for a trip, but I've only ever had to worry about myself...(and sometimes the husband) but now, trying to pack for a trip to a country I've never been to and for a baby I've never met is going to have some challenges. I'm sure I'll drive my husband crazy over the next few weeks (if he was reading this, he'd say that was nothing new!!), but I'm feeling a little overwhelmed!

Mother's Day turned out to be a great day. I finally went out on the new boat and actually had a really good time. My MIL came out for the day and the weather couldn't have been any better for a ride out on the North Saskatchewan. My husband was truly in his element and it was nice to see him have a great time. I just kept picturing all the wonderful rides and picnics we'll have with Jenna when she comes home. And since it was Mother's Day, it had me thinking of Jenna's birthmother, who ultimately made the biggest sacrifice to give up her precious daughter in the hopes that a family could give her a better life. I can't imagine how difficult that decision was for her to make, but on the other hand, will be eternally grateful to a woman, who I know I will never meet, for giving us the greatest gift. If she only knew how much Jenna will be loved, I know that she would have peace in her heart and conviction in the decision that she made to leave Jenna in front of the orphanage that day. I thought of her yesterday and I will think of her every Mother's Day from now on. It will forever be a bittersweet day for me.

I've always believed in fate, and if, throughout my journey to become a mother, things would have been any different, I wouldn't have been able to experience this adoption journey to our Jenna, met the wonderful people (on-line and in real life), and had the time, through heartache and tears, to appreciate motherhood and all that it entails. I'm certainly not professing that I'll be great at it, but at least I've had the time to mature and gain a small sense of what motherhood and parenting is all about.

People say that she will be one lucky baby, but in truth, we are the lucky ones.

We have a date!!!!

So I just got back from sunny California (wayyyy to hot for this cold-blooded gal) and yes, I did alot of shopping. There were just too many cute outfits to pass up, I wanted them ALL!!!

So we will be leaving for China on Friday, June 30th and coming home on Friday, July 14th. That gives us exactly 7 weeks and 1 day to get our (err, I mean my) ass in gear! There are so many things to get done that I'm afraid I'll be in over-drive for most of the wait. There are still quite a few things left to do in Jenna's room as well as finishing and gathering up all the paperwork, going through the 100 list of things that still need to be packed and purchased (in-China gifts, medicine, baby toiletries, etc, etc), my head is spinning just thinking of it all.

Also, before I left, we received the translated referral documents and all checked out well with our adoption practitioner. Here are just a few things we learnt about her:

• She was found at the entrance of the Wanzai Social Welfare Institute on the same day she was born (July 26, 2005) by the Vice Director of the institute.
• She had a red birth note that had her birthdate written on it
• She was sent to foster care on November 14th (at 3 1/2 months old)
• As a newborn, she was quiet and smart
• She seldom cried
• At 4 months (when the report was written) she was attracted by her hands and liked to stare at them
• She loves having a bath or playing in the water
• She likes to stroll the streets (I'm assuming this means she likes to be outside??)

On the day she was born, I was at a friends' cabin out at Pigeon Lake for a couple of days. It was her birthday (yes, she has the same birthday as my Jenna) so we went golfing and later celebrated with a carrot cake that I had made her....

Little did we know that while celebrating her "29th" birthday (right LC?), we were also celebrating the birth of my daughter!!! How weird is that!

Also, I got these chocolate birth announcements made last week. Aren't they cute!!!!!

My head just hasn't been the same since we received referral. The last week and a half has just been such a blur and I find it hard to concentrate. During the day, she is all I think about and when I close my eyes, she is all I see.

Thanks to everyone who's been following along and sent their good wishes. It means alot to us!

Questions, questions, questions.....

Now that all the "when do you get referral?" questions no longer apply, now all I'm hearing is "when do you get her?". Honest question, and quite frankly, we don't have any definite dates yet. All I know is that we were told by our agency that travel is expected to happen the end of June or beginning of July. Right now, Children's Services has faxed over our referral to CB where it will get translated (why? because I can't read Chinese). Then CB will forward a copy back to Children's Services and to us which we will then take to a local Adoption Practitioner who will, based on the medical information provided on the referral, make an assessment on the health of the baby. We will read over the assessment and decide whether or not we want to go ahead with the adoption (like, please, as IF we wouldn't go ahead with it!!!). We then complete the adoption acceptance form and send it back to our agency who will then forward it to the CCAA. We were told that the translation would take approximately 4-5 business days and that we should expect the translated referral as well as additional paperwork to arrive by courier 5-7 after referral. So at the latest, we should receive the paperwork on the 9th......while I'm in California for my nieces' birthday no doubt!!! Oh well, I'll have to get it faxed over to me if it arrives while I'm away.

CB says that we should be hearing about additional information on travel dates tomorrow so maybe that means they're already working on that end of things. I could be ready tomorrow if they told me I had to be!! We will be leaving on Thursday for California where I plan to do a 'bit' of shopping for my girl. All the 12-18 month clothing I've purchased so far are going to be way too big for her but no worries......this mama knows how to shop and my girl won't be without some outfits that actually fit her. Besides, the shopping in California is, by far, better than around here so watch out Macy's and Nordstrom's.....here I come!

We're in LOVE.....

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away"~

Here's our sweet precious girl....





We are so in love with her already. I love those LIPS!!! And it looks like there's a bit of curl in her hair...is it possible?

The events of yesterday will forever be ingrained in my mind and in my heart. Who knew that a simple phone call from a woman, who, for all she knew, was just calling yet another family to give them word of their baby half way across this world, would change 2 peoples' lives forever. In that one moment, I had no words, and my heart had never felt so full. (And crocodile tears is a definite understatement!!) This is the exact feeling I've been dreaming of for the past 7 years and finally, finally, she's here and this mommy couldn't be any more proud. I pray she's happy, safe and loved until we can finally meet and then, life as we all know it, will never be the same.

Introducing......

We are pleased to announce the highly anticipated arrival of:

Wan Jin Ji

Birthdate: July 26, 2005
From: Wanzai Social Welfare Institute, Jiangxi Province
Weight: 6kg (13.2 lbs)

Picture to follow, when I can get it scanned. Just know, she's the most beautful little munchkin I've ever laid my eyes on.

Can you spell C.R.A.Z.Y. ??????

Okay, so I've now spoken with the lady at Children's Services 3 times since yesterday. (I just got off the phone with her). God bless her for being so understanding of my current state of CRAZY!! She said that nothing has arrived at her office yet this morning but packages arrive all throughout the day until about 3:30pm so I guess I wait some more. I have a hunch that I won't hear anything until Monday.....I honestly don't know how I'm going to make it through the weekend, so let's all hope and pray that our referral is in a truck somewhere today to be delivered early this afternoon. Everytime that phone rings, my heart goes flying out of my chest. I'm checking out other blogs and reading of all the referrals coming in and the babies are all so adorable (of course) and can't wait to get my hands on mine.

Relax......breath in, breath out.

Stork cleared for take off.....up, up, and away!

We just received 'official' confirmation from our agency this afternoon via email and this is what it says:

"Well the time has come we can confirm the CCAA has matched files up to and including June 6, 2005. We are expecting your referrals to arrive late this week to early next week. Please remember we will require a minimum of 6 hours to review copy and scan the referral before we can call families. We try and call families as soon as we can, so please rest assured we are working hard to get them done. If you have any updated email addresses or phone numbers, please send them to me via email.
KM will be answering all of your questions regarding travel. We do not yet have a tentative travel date, we will have to wait and see when they arrive. We will provide you with more information regarding meetings and travel when we contact you with the referral information. I am looking forward to giving you some great news!"

Other American agencies have even told their families that referrals were mailed from the CCAA on Tuesday (China is 12 hours ahead of us) so hopefully we'll see something by the end of the week. I spoke to AB Children's Services today (since we don't live in Ontario, our own provincial ministry must handle the referral) and she said that once they have the referral in their hands and reviews it quickly, she will scan and email Jenna's picture to us. Then they will fax a copy to Children's Bridge where it will get translated and sent back to Children's Services. We will then go and pick up the referral at their offices downtown. She says that if they receive it in the next couple of days, we could see our daughter's face by FRIDAY!!!! I can't believe this is finally happening! Thank goodness I had alot to do today to keep me pre-occupied otherwise, I don't know how I would have managed today.

Thanks to all my peeps who have been hearing me say "maybe next month" a million times when asked when, when when. It's a hard process for non-adopters to understand, I barely did myself. Our journey to a family started sooooo many years ago and to think that in only a few more days, I'll be able to see our 'new edition' with my very own eyes, even if I won't be able to see through the buckets of crocodile tears streaming down my face. To all those who have missed the cut off, by however many days, my heart goes out to you. I know how you feel, I've been there and it blows chunks, but hang on.....it's coming.

THE STORK IS READY FOR TAKE OFF........

I've been saving this picture for months and months and months hoping for the day I get to actually use it on my blog. It's OFFICIAL...not a rumor, but OFFICIAL. Here is what the CCAA website said this morning:

I knew we were next but after all we've been through the last couple of months, I still had my reservations. But, finally, finally, this is starting to become real to me. I've had a bad week so this is the best news I could have possibly been given first thing this morning. I woke up to check my email and I received an email from one of my travel mates and all it had to say in the subject was "Congratulations Group 232" and I just about fell over!!! (Thanks KG!!). I was reading blogs late last night because I couldn't sleep and I wanted to scour the rumor mill, and there was still no update on the CCAA website either....but lo and behold, here it is!!!! I'm so excited I could pee my pants!!! Hopefully we'll get a call from AB Children's Services today to let us know when to expect the 'Golden Package' and believe you me, I ain't leaving this house for no one!

So keep checking back......I will soon be able to introduce our "Sweet Baby Jenna" to all my faithful followers!!

God I wish that dang phone would ring already!!! I'm soooooo done waiting. Bring it ON baby, I'm sooooooo READY!!!

Happy Easter!

Hee, hee, hee. I crack me up!

The almighty Crystal Ball....

So I went on this goofy astology prediction website (don't ask) and I ran into this site where you can ask the crystal ball a question and it will give you an answer. Well I asked "Will I get my referral next?" and the moronic answer I got was:

The answer is obvious.


WTF!!! Obvious as in "Of course you'll get your referral next, you are the next day!" or Obvious as in "Obviously you're an idiot to believe that you're actually going to be next!" The reason I ask this questions is because the latest and greatest rumour that's floating around in China Adoption land is that the next set of referrals will only cover part of May 31st. HOW CAN THAT BE! Someone is definitely playing with my damn mind! The running joke after the last set of referrals was that the only way we wouldn't be next is if the CCAA decides to match half days only. And we thought that was hilarious. OH MY GOD!!!! This just can't be true. Who comes up with this! For the sake of my sanity, I'm going to keep believing that the rumour was started by some nerdy snot nosed whiz kid somewhere who sits behind his computer, eating Cheetos and M&M's, surfing China Adoption related blogs and gets his thrill on seeing what effects a rumour like that has on soon-to-be-parents who are already on the verge of a nervous breakdown caused by this slowdown. Now there's a vision huh?

Nothing really new to report from CB Weekly Update. The only thing they did say, aside from appreciating our anxiety towards this whole waiting situation, was that now the wait time from LogIn to referral will be increasing to 12-13 months. I guess after Jenna comes, we won't be applying to China again for our second....unless things change drastically. I don't know if I can handle going through all this again. I just turned 33 on Tuesday and I already feel like an old lady!

Bye Bye Music...

So I decided to do without the music afterall. I've been to other blogs and found it a bit distracting when I was reading posts so I decided to do away with it. And ever since I put music on my blog, my computer security kept blocking pop-ups. So there you have it....bye bye music!

Shutters, Fans and Music...Oh My

Thank goodness this week is over and the weekend is upon us. Last week was a week I'd rather forget....but now on to bigger and better things right? I've really been trying to stay off the rumour mill this week, even though it's too early for any new rumours. I don't think it's good for my psychie (or my heart for that matter) to hang on every single rumour I might hear or read. I figure if I didn't hear it from my agency, then it doesn't hold any water with me! So there!

Hmmmm, if I haven't been spending my time reading blogs and rumour mills, what the hell have I been doing with my time......? Well we finally got our shutters installed yesterday and who knew a window treatment can make such a difference?

If you seen the old, ugly, metalic mauve blinds we had on ALL our upstairs windows, you'd appreciate these beautiful shutters even more! I think they'll be great, especially in Jenna's room because they block out the daytime light pretty good when you have them closed....perfect for her afternoon naps!

AND, we also installed Jenna's ceiling fan, which I LOVE. Thanks to my "sissy" for buying it and shipping it all the way from California for me! And also to my MIL and her partner for installing it for me. I think it looks AWESOME! And the cute little butterflies switches are the cutest!


Oh, and if you haven't noticed, I've added music to my blog. I love the song I'm playing..... "Somewhere Over The Rainbow". Hope you like it too!

I held out as much hope as I had left in me but to no avail. The rumor was in fact true...the CCAA only matched files logged-in between May 26-30. This news was so bad that our agency, who we rarely get personal emails from, felt the need to email us on Friday with this:

"The CCAA has indicated to us that they have matched only a 5 day period up to May 30, 2005. I realize this is intensely frustrating and that I had a crystal ball to help all CB families through the wait. I hope you find solace in the fact that it will happen, just not as quickly as you were hoping for.
We are also very frustrated with this information. We did try to have at least one group matched (232 as their LID is May 31), however it was too late as they have already been sent out. If you have any questions or comments, please don't hesitate to contact me."

This feeling sadly resembles the torture of waiting for results of an IVF cycle, only to find out that it didn't work and trying to compose yourself (body and mind) to start the whole damn thing all over again the next month (minus all the hormone shots and ultrasounds of course).

Here is the news the weekly CB newsletter brought us:

"Would I had as good news for the many families in the China queue, but the slow down persists, in fact it is even worse this month. Contrary to rumors, which optimistically predicted more matching this month, CCAA is in fact matching less than one weekÂ’s files, with the cut off date predicted to be only May 30th. Yet again this means no referrals for CB, which is hard to take. Unfortunately there is no negotiation on this, no matter how good the relationship with CCAA, believe me we have tried.On the up side we have been given no indication of a shut down, the otherrumorr now circulating. The delays do appear to be related to the fallout from the recent scandal in Hunan province. Investigations are ongoing and it seems this is contributing to the slow down. Families currently in China start their journeys home today."

If you haven't already heard, an orphanage in Hunan province had been charged with baby trafficking back in February. This is around the time when referral slowdown started to happen, however, the CCAA had stated on their website that there were just more waiting families than there were available children. Here's a link to more of the story: http://research-china.blogspot.com/2006/02/what-is-truth-in-hunan.html

I feel like a broken record when people ask me when we'll get referral to which my reply is "...next month for sure". Well I've been saying that for the last 3 or 4 months. With our LID being May 31, not only would we be the next group up with our agency, but we are the very next day for the CCAA to match. However, I've now learnt that nothing is "for sure".

So here we wait, yet another month, to see what the "Powers that be" (meaning the CCAA) has to say. I've had my tantrum, my fit of rage and all the tears I plan to shed on this news. Now I'm done and it's time to compose myself and use this upcoming month to spend more f'n money on clothing my daughter might not even fit into because she'll be 12 by the time I get her, watch my ass grow because I'm glued to this f'n computer for any morsel of information I can get my hands on and sit in the nursery for hours on end wondering why the hell my baby is not sleeping in her crib!!!! Phew, okay, now I'm done. (excuse the potty mouth but I think I'm entitled!)

There are just no words.....

The buzz in rumorville is that the cut-off for the next round of referrals will be May 30th. That would mean that 5 days worth of logged-in dossiers were matched. The CCAA hasn't officially updated their website, so there is still a glimmer of hope, but at this moment in time....I'm all out of hope. My heart is broken....

This. Madness. Must. Stop.

Okay, so I've been doing a little bit of shopping lately....okay, alot of shopping. I can't stop!! I see all these cute things that I just absolutely MUST have my hands on. Here are just a few from the last couple of days....


The Lion plays "You are my sunshine" when you press the little sun around his neck and the Noah's Ark plays "Rock-a-bye baby" when you pull the star and the lights go on and off in the front. I just HAD to have these as they match the theme for her room. TOO CUTE!

And then I found these 3 things:

1. Noah pulling the hippo (for her first tooth), the lion (her first curl...although asian babies normally have straight hair, oh well, improvise) and the giraffe (for her first bracelet???? just in case she was born with one).

2. Lion, hippo and Noah in the boat that has 3 separate compartments for all her hair accessories (see below) and other goodies

3. And a wall hookie thingy (you know what I mean)


And of course, another outfit! I know, I know, since I don't know what size she is, she could very well be wearing this outfit in dead of winter next year, but boy will she look cute all froze up! (I'd put a jacket on her...sheesh!)

Could time go ANY SLOWER!!! The next round of referrals are due in the next couple of weeks and this time, I am pretty damn sure ours will be included. The CCAA would only have to cover 6 more days to complete all files that were logged-in in May of last year (that would be us). So unless I have no luck at all, I'll be posting her picture here in the next few weeks. It almost seems that the wait since the last set of referrals came out (end of February) till now has been longer and more excruciating than all the months prior. I guess I know we're getting close...so close I can almost touch it!! I've been reading the rumour mill swarming through the Chinese adoption community and someone was saying that they heard from their next door neighbors cousin who works with a girl who has an aunt that has a friend who ran into someone at Walmart that overheard a lady in the checkout say that the next set was suppose to be coming out yesterday! Well yesterday came and went with no more information than the day before....I should have known. But when you're as desperate as I am, any sort of rumour would have your panties in a tizzy too!

So keep checking back in the next few weeks, I'm sure I'll have more positive news!