I held out as much hope as I had left in me but to no avail. The rumor was in fact true...the CCAA only matched files logged-in between May 26-30. This news was so bad that our agency, who we rarely get personal emails from, felt the need to email us on Friday with this:

"The CCAA has indicated to us that they have matched only a 5 day period up to May 30, 2005. I realize this is intensely frustrating and that I had a crystal ball to help all CB families through the wait. I hope you find solace in the fact that it will happen, just not as quickly as you were hoping for.
We are also very frustrated with this information. We did try to have at least one group matched (232 as their LID is May 31), however it was too late as they have already been sent out. If you have any questions or comments, please don't hesitate to contact me."

This feeling sadly resembles the torture of waiting for results of an IVF cycle, only to find out that it didn't work and trying to compose yourself (body and mind) to start the whole damn thing all over again the next month (minus all the hormone shots and ultrasounds of course).

Here is the news the weekly CB newsletter brought us:

"Would I had as good news for the many families in the China queue, but the slow down persists, in fact it is even worse this month. Contrary to rumors, which optimistically predicted more matching this month, CCAA is in fact matching less than one weekÂ’s files, with the cut off date predicted to be only May 30th. Yet again this means no referrals for CB, which is hard to take. Unfortunately there is no negotiation on this, no matter how good the relationship with CCAA, believe me we have tried.On the up side we have been given no indication of a shut down, the otherrumorr now circulating. The delays do appear to be related to the fallout from the recent scandal in Hunan province. Investigations are ongoing and it seems this is contributing to the slow down. Families currently in China start their journeys home today."

If you haven't already heard, an orphanage in Hunan province had been charged with baby trafficking back in February. This is around the time when referral slowdown started to happen, however, the CCAA had stated on their website that there were just more waiting families than there were available children. Here's a link to more of the story: http://research-china.blogspot.com/2006/02/what-is-truth-in-hunan.html

I feel like a broken record when people ask me when we'll get referral to which my reply is "...next month for sure". Well I've been saying that for the last 3 or 4 months. With our LID being May 31, not only would we be the next group up with our agency, but we are the very next day for the CCAA to match. However, I've now learnt that nothing is "for sure".

So here we wait, yet another month, to see what the "Powers that be" (meaning the CCAA) has to say. I've had my tantrum, my fit of rage and all the tears I plan to shed on this news. Now I'm done and it's time to compose myself and use this upcoming month to spend more f'n money on clothing my daughter might not even fit into because she'll be 12 by the time I get her, watch my ass grow because I'm glued to this f'n computer for any morsel of information I can get my hands on and sit in the nursery for hours on end wondering why the hell my baby is not sleeping in her crib!!!! Phew, okay, now I'm done. (excuse the potty mouth but I think I'm entitled!)